A Search for the Soul
by Cordis
Summary: It had to happen some time. This story revolves around the seeds searching for their long lost parents.
1. Default Chapter

Disclaimer: All Final Fantasy 8 fanfics all belong to Squaresoft and other involved companies. I own none of it. This fanfic is purely for the fun and enjoyment of others and myself. I make no money from it.

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A SEARCH FOR THE SOUL

CHAPTER 1

"Hellz Yeah! This party is the shizat!" Zell yelled after drowning yet another class of alcohol down his system. 

It was a great night for the Seeds as well as Garden as a whole. They had just defeated the sorceress and all was well. Quistis had been reinstated as an instructor. Irvine had become a permanent member of Balamb Garden, much to Selphie's delight. Selphie herself had been able to get plans rolling for a new Garden festival. Finally, Squall had broken out of his shell. This was the most dramatic of all the occurrences. Even if he still was slightly on the quiet side, he at least expressed his emotions more, even if they were mostly only show to Rinoa. It was a start. 

Squall was currently sharing a small conversation with the woman he loved while all their friends continued to party hard, mainly Zell.

"You seem quiet tonight." Rinoa said, leaning casually against the railing of the balcony they were currently resting at. "What's troubling you?"

Squall broke his gaze away from all the stars glistening in the night sky and angled his face towards hers. He stared deep into her beautiful dark, brown irises. Rinoa caught the conflict playing out in his own eyes as he continued to regard her carefully. Finally he broke away and resumed staring skywards. 

"It's nothing." He responded dryly.

"Squall…" Rinoa said with compassion in her voice. "I thought we agreed to share our thoughts with one another. Don't be so bottled up all the time. If you think too hard it can give you an ulcer."

Once again the beautiful young woman standing next to him had broken through his defenses. She had relentlessly stood up to every guard on his front lines and tore them down mercilessly as the smile cracked from his lips breaking his tense thoughts. 

"Oh, what's that? Is that a smile?" The raven-haired woman cried out joyfully. "That's it! Keep that pose Squall. You look better that way."

A light chuckled escaped the leather clad man's lips. He wrapped his arms lovingly around his girlfriend and kissed her softly on the cheek. 

"You're impossible, you know that?" He teased lightly. "What am I ever going to do with you?"

A devilish smiled played across the young woman's face. "Kiss me again…"

Once again, the smiled widened on the scarred man's face. "Your wish is my command, beautiful."

Slowly Squall brought his lips down to hers and together they locked into a passionate embrace. It was amazing to Squall. He had never known feelings like this before. Even when living at the orphanage with Ellone he had never truly felt this complete. It was only the second time he had ever kissed someone, the first time being earlier that evening while he and Rinoa stared up at the stars. Even still, the way she made him feel, he felt totally comfortable locking lips with this woman. He was a hero now. He had the respect of his peers, he wasn't alone and he even had friends to care for him as well as a beautiful girlfriend. His life was almost completely perfect. Except for one thing. 

Squall gently separated his lips from the woman he loved, pulling her close into a soft hug. He slowly caressed her dark hair, taking interest in weaving his fingers through every strand. 

Rinoa smiled at the gesture and leaned her chin on his shoulder. "So…" She began quietly. "Feel like telling me what's been bothering you now?"

Squall gently closed his eyes and released her. He strolled back over to the railing and leaned on its supports. He let a heavy sigh escape his lips then looked back up into the night sky.

Rinoa watched him quietly then stepped forwards and mimicked his action of leaning against the railing. 

Squall didn't take his eyes off of the stars yet he knew when the young woman had leaned down next to him. 

"Have you ever wished upon a star Rinoa?" He asked softly. 

Somewhat startled by the sudden question, the dark haired woman blinked a few times before answering. "Wished on a star? Sure I have, plenty of times. Why do you ask?"

"What did you wish for?" He persisted gently.

"Hmm… I don't know really. I guess the wishes I had were pretty childish back then. They don't really matter anymore."

"Please don't say that"

Rinoa was shocked by the sudden emotion behind those words. She slowly reached out her hands and cupped them between both sides of Squall's cheeks as she brought his face towards hers. 

"Don't say what Squall?" She asked pleadingly. "I don't understand what you're getting at. Please just tell me."

Once more, Squall closed his eyes. 

"Dreams…" He said after a long pause. "You should never say that your dreams don't matter, no matter how foolish or absurd they may be. They are still your dreams and even if you were just a child, you believed whole-heartily in them."

Rinoa looked up deep into the man's irises and noticed a deep sadness in them. "What did you wish for Squall?" She asked in a compassionate whisper. "What was your dream?"

Squall gently cupped her hands in his and brought them down away from his face. He turned his eyes back towards the sky so she couldn't see them. Couldn't see the tears beginning to well up in the edges of his eyelids. 

"I wished for comfort, for love and protection. I wished for a place to belong. A place I could truly call home and know that every time I returned, there would be someone waiting for me with arms full of love and acceptance."

"But Squall… you have all of that now. You're friends and peers all love and respect you. 'I' am 'in love' with you! I will always accept you with open arms and that will never fade away… ever."

Squall glanced back down towards her. She could now see the tears freely flowing from his dark brown eyes and it hurt her right to the core of her heart. He blinked back his tears and smiled at her. Lifting her hand in his, he gently caressed her soft skin and kissed the back of her hand lightly. 

"I know my love. And for that I am grateful. And I know about my friends and how close we all are. But that's not the kind of love I'm talking about."

"What else kind of love is there Squall?"

The scarred seed sighed then lowered his head. "You've grown under the protection of your father your whole life. Even if the two of you never saw eye to eye all the time you still had him to comfort you when you were down or injured. You at least knew he was there and wouldn't abandon you."

Rinoa could only stare silently at the man she loved. "Squall…"

"You wouldn't understand Rinoa… because you were never an orphan like I was…"

Those words continued to ring through the young sorceress ears. _'Never an orphan like I was…' _The same words continued to play over and over again in her minds ear even after the young man's retreating form left the balcony and her behind. Finally she realized it all. She pieced every little bit of what Squall was trying to say to her together. She wanted to cry out in anguish at the reality of Squall's pain and so she swiftly ran towards him as he weeved left and right through the crowd of partiers. _'He's lonely for his parents.' _She said to herself mentally. _'Oh god. I'm so sorry Squall… So sorry…'_

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:::::::::::To Be Continued::::::::::

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Author's note: Thanks for reading and please stay tuned for chapter 2.


	2. A Search for the Soul (ch. 2)

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A SEARCH FOR THE SOUL

CHAPTER 2

"For the last f#ckin time, leave me alone!" Seifer Almasy screamed as he stumbled blindly through the dimly lit streets of Balamb City. 

A weary Raijin and Fuujin chased after him. He had been ranting and raving the entire night and quite frankly both of them were quite tired of it. 

Things had started out well enough at first. Right after the fall of Ultimecia, Seifer had returned to them through time compression and it was almost as if he was back to being the same old cocky Seifer Almasy they both knew and loved. Sure enough things had been true to par for a while. Then suddenly, a few days ago it was almost as if his personality did a 360. His attitude quickly became more rotten then usual. He would become less agreeable and more picky about many things. The worst of it all was how much he began frequenting the bars late at night. Much like this night, he would stumble about the streets making a fool of himself and drawling about how worthless he was. Suffice to say his friends were becoming extremely concerned for the blond haired, ex-Disciplinary Committee leader.

"Aww come on Seifer!" Raijin pleaded. "Don't act like this again. We're sick of this stuff ya know?"

"AGREE!" Fuujin responded with her usual amount of intensity. 

Seifer whipped his head around for a split second and stared at them dumbly through glossy, unfocused eyes.

"So what!" He hissed at them. Both friends had to pull back from the horrible aroma of his hot, liquored breath as it reached their nostrils. 

"I'm sick of you both!" Seifer continued to rant, oblivious to their discomfort. "All you ever do is follow me around all the damn time! Get a life! Both of you! Stop following me and just leave me the hell alone!"

"Ah come on Seifer! I know ya don't mean that, ya know?"

"CONFUSED" Fuujin added. 

"Shut up!" Seifer growled defiantly. "I know what I'm thinking! Just leave me alone!"

"Tell us man. Tell us what's wrong so we can help!" We want ta help ya, ya know? Just say the word."

A light chuckle escaped the blond's lips as his eyes arrogantly scanned the both of them. "Heh, what would either of you know? You couldn't understand me!"

"TRY US" Fuujin urged. 

Seifer pasted his famous smirk across his face. His alcohol influenced mind set to work once more. "Ok then! Fine!" He walked purposefully up to Raijin and jabbed a finger into his chest. 

"How would you feel if you tried your whole life to be something only to find that someone manipulated you within a week and destroyed everything you've worked for?"

Raijin was taken aback by the sudden assault and found himself fumbling for a response. Seifer didn't give him the chance however. Instead, he turned now towards Fuujin and jabbed his finger towards her. 

"Or what about you? How would you feel if everywhere you went people would forever look at you with loathing and hatred?"

"Seifer…" the young patch-eyed woman said in an uncharacteristically soft voice. 

Seifer spun on his heels relentlessly. "Look, both of you just leave me alone ok? I can't even focus when I'm around you!"

"But Seifer!" Raijin interjected. "We're all you got… and you're all we got too."

"Not anymore!" the blond replied sharply. "Go back to Garden, both of you. That's an order! It's not too late. I'm sure Cid and Edea will let you both in. After all, it was my screw ups which lead you down the wrong paths."

"ALONE?" Fuujin argued.

"Yeah I know…" Seifer replied softly, his mind beginning to sober up a bit. "Look I need some time to myself. I need to discover myself before I can be satisfied with who I see when I look in the mirror every morning."

"But we're a posse…" Raijin continued to whine.

"Yeah I know but now it's up to you and Fuujin to keep that pact. Until I atone for my crimes I'm no longer worthy to be part of the posse anymore."

"NOT TRUE" Fuujin argued.

"That's your opinion!" Seifer yelled back. "Look don't argue with me about this anymore! Leave me the hell alone guys! I'll deal with my problems in my own freaking way ok?!?"

"But… you're not well…" Raijin said softly.

"Don't worry about me anymore! I can take care of myself… just go."

And with that, Seifer spun hard on his heels and stumbled away into the distance, his long gray coat swirling behind him.

"We should go with him ya know?" Raijin protested. "It ain't right to leave him like this." 

The big man began to follow his leader when suddenly a firm hand grasped his, halting his movements. 

"NO." Fuujin replied. "HE MUST DISCOVER ON HIS OWN."

Raijin lowered his head in defeat. "Yeah I guess you're right Fuj. You're always right. I hate it but I guess the best thing we can do for him now is to just let him be."

Fuujin gave one crisp nod, ignoring the soft trail of a tear as it made its way down her angled cheek. 

****

Rinoa strolled casually into the cafeteria in Balamb Garden. Her steps faltered and her eyes were blood red. She slowly scanned the area until finally a soft smiled appeared on her face as her eyes rested on the forms of Zell, Irvine, Quistis and Selphie all sitting together. 

Rinoa kept her smile and walked up to the table full of her closest friends. 

"Hey everyone. Goodmorning!" She said brightly even if her face appeared half-asleep.

Quistis cast one look towards her and smiled ruefully. "I see we weren't the only ones having trouble sleeping last night. You look terrible Rin."

Rinoa simply nodded silently and took a seat down next to the blond haired woman. "Where's Squall?"

"Having a meeting with Cid about what happened in his absence." Quistis responded. "He'll be back shortly."

"Oh." Rinoa replied absently. For the first time, she surveyed the group of friends. It was obvious, the party hangover had not treated them well. Zell was hunched over a steaming mug of coffee, absently munching on a hotdog while staring out into space. Irvine was one step ahead of his friend as his face was completely covered in the lap of his arms resting peacefully on the table. Even the, ever energetic Selphie seemed drained with exhaustion. However, through it all, Quistis was the sole person who remained unfazed by the events of the previous night. 

"Didn't you party at all last night?" The Raven-haired woman asked her blond friend curiously. 

"Of course I did." Quistis responded with amusement in her voice. "Everyone did."

"Oh." Rinoa said despondently. "It doesn't look like it at all compared to everyone else here."

"Quistis let a soft laugh escape her lips. "I tend to keep a level of responsibility about myself whenever I party." Quistis silently regarded her friend as the dark haired woman cupped her head in her shoulders. 

Quistis lightly touched Rinoa's hand, startling the girl from her thoughts. "Hey Rin, what's wrong? You don't seem your usual self today."

"Maybe she's just tired like everyone else." Selphie yawned, stretching her arms out languidly from the table. 

"Mmmm…" Zell agreed in his mode of unconscious consciousness. 

Rinoa let a sigh escape her then closed her eyes lightly. "I couldn't sleep last night…"

"Oh, did Squall have something to do with that?" Selphie giggled mischievously.

Rinoa sighed once more. "Actually yes."

Selphie's eyes nearly bugged out of their sockets. Quistis also lost her composure slightly at the sudden revelation.

"Oh don't look at me like that you two!" Rinoa chastised good-naturedly. "I don't mean it that way."

"Then what way do you mean it huh?" Selphie asked on the brink of another giggle. She was now fully awake. 

Rinoa silently raised her hand and smoothed back her silky black hair. "Squall and I kinda had a little dispute last night."

"At the party?" Quistis breathed in surprise. 

"Yeah… Well, he was kind of upset. I asked him about what was wrong and it turns out he's still troubled about his past."

"I don't get it." Selphie said cupping her chin in the palms of her hands. "Didn't Ellone already return? What's the problem?"

"It's not Ellone." Rinoa replied silently. "Although you are extremely close."

"Whass all this about Elly?" Irvine asked lazily as he pushed his head away from the lap of his arms and stared around at everyone with weary eyes.

"Somthin 'bout Squall's past." Zell answered in the same tired tone of voice. 

Irvine brought tight fists up to his eyes and began rubbing them furiously. After a while of blinking and slapping himself on the face several times, the cowboy stared at them once more, still slightly weary but more awake then before. 

"What's wrong with Squall's past?" He asked.

Zell too had been going through a ritual of waking himself up. "Yeah, what's up Rinoa?"

"Well, from what I've surmised so far, basically Squall misses his parents. He still has that void in his heart for want of the missing element in his life."

Irvine smirked lightly. "Hmm so it turns out the lone lion is not so different from the rest of us after all."

"What do you mean?" Rinoa asked.

"Irvine's got a point there." Quistis agreed, ignoring Rinoa's question.

"What point?" the raven-haired girl asked helplessly.

"So what do you propose we do about it?" Selphie asked, catching on to what Irvine and the others were talking about.

"Do about what?" Rinoa nearly screamed in frustration. "What are you all talking about?"

"About being orphans Rinoa." Zell replied dryly. "We were all orphans together remember? What Squall's going through isn't much different then what we all went through at some point or another in our lives."

"What are you talking about, 'at some point'?" Irvine asked challengingly. "I'm still going through it man and I'm sure Quistis and Selphie are too. You never really recover from something like that you know?"

"Yeah I guess you're right." Zell replied in a quiet voice. 

"So then you're all hurting inside just like Squall?" Rinoa asked.

"Rin, the world doesn't revolve around Squall. We all have feelings too you know. It's just we can all relate to Squall more on this subject. We've all had to face the reality of not knowing who our parents were or if we'd ever even get to meet them again. It's a hard way of growing up."

"Yeppers…" Selphie agreed in a solemn voice.

Now Rinoa felt really bad. She never wanted to cause them all this kind of pain. "I'm really sorry guys." She said lightly. "I didn't mean to reopen any sore wounds."

"Don't worry about it that much." Zell soothed. "We've all been living with it all of our lives and we've developed ways of coping."

"All of us except Squall." Irvine interjected. "He's still living with a rock on his heart."

"Maybe there's something we can do to cheer him up?" Selphie asked brightly.

"Good luck." Rinoa replied morbidly. "I've been up all last night trying to come up with an idea of how to lighten his mood."

"Hmm…" Zell thought, munching on a hotdog. "Ya know, call it déjà vu but I feel like I've had this conversation before at some point."

"Yeah I know what you mean Zell." Selphie agreed anxiously. "This is really freaaaaky."

"Hmm it must be the GF's blocking out potentially vital memories again." Quistis surmised.

"You all may not remember but I do." Irvine replied. "We used to talk about this stuff all the time. When we were living at the orphanage. We would go on about stories on how we'd form some kinda group and go off on a journey to find our parents."

"Yeah, it's all starting to come back to me now." Zell said anxiously.

"Yeah!" Selphie agreed. "Even Seifer was interested in our ideas. He'd go on about how we would easily find our parents then demand they tell us where they'd been all our lives and why they left us behind."

Quistis chuckled a bit. "Leave it up to Seifer to say something drastic and commanding like that."

Rinoa smiled lightly. They hadn't seen the blond haired sorceress knight ever since the incident. Rinoa still shivered from the memories of how Adel had ruthlessly merged with her and how Seifer had thrown her to her. However at the same time, she found she could forgive the man. Odd as it may seem, she still couldn't forget the look of fear and confusion in his eyes when she had pleaded with him to stop his actions. She knew then more then ever before that Ultimecia was controlling him. He was lost and alone the whole time and all he could do was follow her. She felt sorry for the man and hoped he found some mode of solace after time compression. 

"Wow…" Zell said with a soft smile on his face at the memories of his lost youth. "If only we could do what we did back then. Ya know? Band together and look for our parents. That'd be quite an adventure."

"Hey!" Rinoa said, almost knocking Zell over as she rose up quickly from her seat. "That's it!"

"What's it?" Quistis asked, looking around at everyone else in the cafeteria to make sure they weren't causing a scene. 

"Why don't we do it?" Rinoa said, unperturbed by any disturbances she may be causing. 

"Do what?" Irvine replied dryly with half closed eyelids. 

"Look for your parents of course!" 

"What?" Quisis asked in slight alarm. "Don't be silly Rinoa. It was a long time ago and it was a childish dream. We were all much younger then. Now we have responsibilities."

"So what?" Rinoa got in. "You all wanted to find your parents and from what you confessed earlier you all still have that void in your hearts. Why not look for your parents?"

"Because it would be a useless effort!" Zell shot in. "We wouldn't even know where to look! It's pointless I tell ya!"

"No it's not Zell!" Rinoa said. "Look, headmaster Cid and headmistress Edea already said that you were entitled to time off from seed to celebrate our recent victory right?"

"Yeah but we don't know how long this journey may take."

"So then we just bring it up with Edea and Cid then. We might even be able to get some tips from when they took you in to start with."

"Hey I'm starting to like this idea!" Selphie replied excitedly. 

"I don't see what all the fuss is about." Irvine interjected. "Yeah so we look for our folks so what? How do you expect them to react? They got rid of us for a reason you know."

"Irvine that's not the point. Even if they do something horrible like that, you'll still have the knowledge that you at least know who they are right? Isn't that enough for now?"

Zell lowered his head slightly. "I've been raised with my foster parents for the better part of my life but even still… I'd kinda like to know who my real folks were too ya know?"

"I guess you all have a point there." Quistis agreed grudgingly. "I won't deny this isn't the first time I've wanted to do something like this. It's like living our old childhood dreams all over again."

"Well…" Irvine said leaning back in his chair. "If you all are so persistent on getting your hopes up for nothing I might as well go with you. Besides, the journey might be kinda fun."

"Yeah!" Rinoa cheered excitedly. "That's the spirit you guys!" 

"But will Squall be up for it?" Quistis asked. "Sure we all agree to this but I'm sure you know how stubborn he can get. He likes to stay bottled up and he may not want to share his feelings with us on this one."

A smile formed on Rinoa's face. "If he refuses I'll just have to twist his arm and make him come with us."

"Then it's settled." Quistis said, taking the role of command as she rose up from her seat. "Rinoa, you convince Squall to come along with us and I'll work on telling our plans to Headmaster Cid and Headmistress Edea and digging up any information I can find."

"Good luck you two." Zell said rising out of his chair but making sure to grab his hotdogs before leaving. "You're both going to need it."

One by one, everyone left the table to go about their daily plans and agendas and before she knew it, Rinoa was standing there alone to ponder Zell's very words. _'Trying to get Squall to come with us. Having him face the possibilities of finding his actual birth parents. For a guy who likes to keep his feelings bottled up, Zell has no clue how much luck I'm gonna need to pull this one off.'_

::::::::::To Be Continued::::::::::

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Author's note: Thanks for reading and please stay tuned for chapter 3. ^_^


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